Happy 9 Month Sleeversary!

How does time fly by so quickly??

It's been 9 months since I went in for surgery. It still feels like yesterday, and surreal that this has happened to me. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world today.

A lot has been going on recently, both good and bad, and I noticed myself focusing on all the bad, stress educing things going on, when really I needed to embrace the good.

So, I think today I will embrace and celebrate all the great things that have happened in the past 9 months.

I have learned to let my voice be heard. I'm not so afraid to say how I feel, and speak up for myself. Before I would just sit there, in silence, in fear that how I feel or what I say will cause a conflict. Now, I don't care. Let's discuss our differences, let me tell you how I really feel about you and your stupid ways. Ha, just kidding...well not really. I find myself much more outspoken these days. I'm learning what I deserve, and that I deserve way better than what I've been giving to myself for the past few years. And a part of that is deserving to let my thoughts, opinions, feelings be shared.

I can sit in a seat, airplane, movie theater, restaurant, car without feeling cramped. I have room on either side of me where I can see the cushion! I feel too far away from the table if I sit in a booth now. I don't have to ask for a seatbelt extender on an airplane. I can wear my seatbelt comfortably now. I feel normal!

I am not constantly in pain. I used to always have ankle, knee and back pain. Since losing all this weight, I barely have any pain. Unless of course I walk around all day in the wrong shoes, then we might have some issues.

I can go to the Doctor's office and not have an anxiety attack. I am excited to jump on the scale and find out how much I've lost since last visit. The nurse was able to use the normal BP cuff on my arm last time I was there. It's the little things in life ya know?

I can run, well jog...short distances.

I have collarbones. Every now and then I poke at them and feel the bones. It might sound silly, but I've always wanted those things. I'm finally getting some.

I can go shopping and not feel completely discouraged. I can wear cute clothes. Clothes are too big for me! I have options, if I don't like something completely, I can put it back and know that I will be able to find something else.

I've realized that I deserve what I want, and the best. I don't have to settle for whatever I can get. This is for everything, clothing, relationships, even food. I promised myself in the beginning of the year, that I need to focus on me, and give myself the best. I feel like so far I'm doing pretty good fulfilling this promise. I have been putting myself on the bottom of my own totem pole for so long now, it's time that I get back all that I have put in.

I feel happy. It's weird, I thought I was happy for all these years, but when I think about it, I don't think I really was. Clearly I wasn't. I had a moment in a fitting room yesterday. I was trying on jeans. I grabbed the size 16 just for laughs. And they fit, they fit perfectly. Skinny jeans, in a size 16 fit me perfectly. Right then, I looked at myself in the mirror and it all kinda hit me. I burst out in tears staring at myself in the mirror. I probably looked like a druggy coming out of the fitting room with blood shot eyes and a runny nose.

I've been having a hard time realizing how far I've come in the past 9 months, and in that moment I realized I've come very far. Multiple people tell me everyday how they don't recognize me and how great I've done, but until you realize it yourself, those are just words. I know I still have progress to make, but less than a year ago, I was wearing size 3x clothing, barely fitting in a size 22 women’s, shopping at 2 stores. Now I can wear size L shirts. This is surreal sometimes.

I've lost a total of 98 pounds in the past 9 months. And 113 from my known heaviest. I may never be skinny, and I don't think I ever want to be. But now, I'm healthy and happy, and I'm never looking back!