Fantasy vs Reality

I was recently having a conversation with a friend about my surgery. We were discussing how much weight I have lost, how much I weighed before and what I weigh now. I'm very open about this, heck I have a blog, that I share with the WORLD about this journey. Anyways, we were talking, and I had mentioned how I never met my goal weight that my Doctor and I set. I also mentioned that I had a personal goal to lose 30 lbs more than that. He had asked me why I thought I didn't reach either goal. I said that I have learned over time, that weight is just a number, it doesn't really have a whole lot of meaning, unless it involves rollercoasters.

I think people become so obsessed with numbers during weight loss, that they actually forget the purpose of why they (usually) decided to lose the weight in the first place. Most people do it to become healthier, more fit, or be a smaller size. It's easier though, to step on the scale and see those numbers. It takes much more brain energy to think of all the other ways we've improved.

I don't obsess over the scale anymore. When I first started this journey, you better believe I did, because it was instant gratification. I would step on every morning, and would see 3 or 4 pounds gone at a time, I was that much closer to that 180 lb skinny girl I had envisioned in my head. Once that slowed down, and eventual stopped, I had to find other reasons to motivate me to continue striving for better. Sure, I could probably be the weight I have always wanted, but what will I have to do to get there? Work out every day, drink water consistently between meals, focus my meals on strictly protein, and the worse...stop drinking. I could totally do those things, but I don't want to. I had this surgery so I didn't have to constantly obsess over food. I want to live my life happily, and being happy involves having lazy days, eating a piece of bread when I'm at Panera, and going out for a beer with my friends. I give the biggest high-five to those of my fellow WLS friends that continue to follow post-op guidelines, you are way more self disciplined than I. Not to say that I sit on the couch every night drinking beers and stuffing my face with a baguette (great picture, right?). This surgery has helped teach me portion control, and the very important balance of relaxing and being active.

Lately I've been feeling a little more down on where I am in regards to being the healthiest me, and I think today is a great day to write down some of my Non Scale Victories (NSVs).

• I can sit in a seat, on an airplane without a) spilling over in someone else's seat and b) using a seatbelt extender.
• I  can go to any restaurant and have a good six inches between my stomach and the table in a booth.
• I can drive without my belly rubbing against my steering wheel.
• I can wear a smaller size shoe.
• I can run! Well..jog, but man can I jog!
• I can finish a 5k and still have energy after.
• I can go into a bar, by myself and not feel like everyone is staring at the fat girl.
• I can shop at ANY clothing store of my choice.
• I can sleep peacefully, without sleep apnea.
• I can go zip lining, parasailing or on a rollercoaster if I so choose.
• I can buy plane old wide width boots (not those special order tripe wide width).

My list is full of great things I CAN do. Just because I'm not the 150 lb girl that I fantasized about pre-op. Or even the 180 lb girl I fantasized about post op. I am the healthy girl that is real, that is enjoying life and basking in every moment of her glory.