Let's Hear It For The Boys
Seven years ago, if you had asked me if I thought I would ever find the one, my answer probably would have been pretty negative.
Seven years ago, I never would have thought that I was worthy of finding someone that would love me for all of my imperfections, quirks and baggage.
Five years ago, I realized that I do deserve the best. And accepted the fact that being single forever would be better than settling for what I thought I deserved 2 years prior.
I never realized that I could find someone that could love me for all of who I am. Love my little annoyances, love my body no matter what size, and love my quirks.
Four years ago, I took a stand. I ended relationships that in the end I knew wouldn't work out, despite the hearts that would be broken (mine included).
I spent most of my Twenties thinking I wasn't good enough. That I somehow drew the shitty karma stick and deserved the shitty relationships I entered. I had no self worth, no idea how to value myself no matter what the decisions I had made in the past or what I looked like.
Now, I look back and it really breaks my heart to think of the grief I gave myself for the choices I had made. Making some poor decisions, doesn't lessen your self worth. It carves you into the person that you eventually become. Life lessons help you evolve into the best being you can be.
I see that now.
Don't lessen your standards just to have someone laying in bed with you at night. Don't lessen your self worth or change just because someone doesn't find you attractive.
If I could write a book about the dates I've encountered. I would. Four years ago, in the middle of finding Mr. Right. I went on a Date with the wrongest Mr. Wrong. I had already gone on a date with this guy, his name was Sam. He was kinda nerdy, vegan, and pretty funny. On this particular date, I met him at his apartment, and we had plans on going to a local bar to check out the Open Mic Stand Up Night. We had time to kill before the bar, so Sam decided it would be a good idea to go to the Library before. The Library. Guys, I just told you a couple month ago it took me TWO YEARS to read a book I had been dying to read. the Library is not my jam. But I was going with the flow, I walked around, pretended to be interested in books, and hiding in aisles to avoid having to actually fake a conversation about these books. Eventually Sam found me, and in the middle of some nonsense conversation, he looked down my body and asked, "Are your legs okay?" I quickly looked down fearing that somehow my legs had fallen off without me knowing, but everything was intact. After confusingly replying with "Umm Ya." Sam explained that he was concerned because he noticed that my knees bend back a little, and there was a weird bump under my knee that he thinks I need to get checked out. I understand that this was out of concern, however I immediately felt judged. I brushed it off and continued our date, partially because we were in his car. We had a couple beers, watched a few terrible comics and headed out. On our way back to his apartment he asked if I minded if we took the long way. I agreed since I was just the passenger. You know what we did? We went glorified dumpster diving. Sam drove me around in his Prius, looking for resident's recycling bins that he could empty so he could return them to Massachusetts and get the refund on the cans.
That was the last time I saw Sam.
Now Sam was a nice guy. I could tell that he meant well, but I just knew that at the end of the day I would never feel 100% comfortable around him. My 23 year old self, probably would have stuck around practically begging Sam to take me to the Library. 27 year old Sarah ain't got time for that.
When I thought I was just going to be single forever. In a last ditch effort I agreed to start communicating online with this guy named Ryan. Ryan was super funny and pretty good at keeping me entertained during the day via text. I knew in the back of my head that I wouldn't get in to a relationship with him, probably not even a date. I was done with dating, besides he lived over an hour from me. After some pretty good persuading I agreed to go out for a sushi date with this guy. We both fumbled throughout the date Made some awkward conversation I'm sure, and dropped way more Edamame than actually ate. From the beginning I was myself, because I didn't feel like I needed to impress him since things would never work out. No matter what Ryan was interested and supportive. He appreciated my awkwardness and bad sense of humor. Next thing I know I'm going out to celebrate his birthday, meeting his sister, and introducing him to Mallah. Things happened so naturally with Ryan, by the first couple of months of dating I knew there was no reason to fight this, unless I truly hated myself. But I eventually realized that I do deserve love and to be happy, and to find someone that best suits me, not find someone that I best suit. Turns out Ryan and I suit each other pretty perfectly.
When I least expect it, Ryan will tell me how beautiful I am. He loves every aspect of me, all my gross and ridiculous quirks. He squashes my self doubt and supports all my decisions, even if they are bad. Surprisingly or not, Ry has been a pretty important role in me learning to love myself.
My point is, we are all worthy of love. No matter the choices you've made, no matter the shape or size of your body. No matter what. We all are worthy.
Take that time and find your true self. Know who you are and what you want in your life, and get it. Don't settle, or else you'll spend the rest of your life recycling diving on your way home from the Library with Sam.
Seven years ago, I never would have thought that I was worthy of finding someone that would love me for all of my imperfections, quirks and baggage.
Five years ago, I realized that I do deserve the best. And accepted the fact that being single forever would be better than settling for what I thought I deserved 2 years prior.
I never realized that I could find someone that could love me for all of who I am. Love my little annoyances, love my body no matter what size, and love my quirks.
Four years ago, I took a stand. I ended relationships that in the end I knew wouldn't work out, despite the hearts that would be broken (mine included).
I spent most of my Twenties thinking I wasn't good enough. That I somehow drew the shitty karma stick and deserved the shitty relationships I entered. I had no self worth, no idea how to value myself no matter what the decisions I had made in the past or what I looked like.
Now, I look back and it really breaks my heart to think of the grief I gave myself for the choices I had made. Making some poor decisions, doesn't lessen your self worth. It carves you into the person that you eventually become. Life lessons help you evolve into the best being you can be.
I see that now.
Don't lessen your standards just to have someone laying in bed with you at night. Don't lessen your self worth or change just because someone doesn't find you attractive.
If I could write a book about the dates I've encountered. I would. Four years ago, in the middle of finding Mr. Right. I went on a Date with the wrongest Mr. Wrong. I had already gone on a date with this guy, his name was Sam. He was kinda nerdy, vegan, and pretty funny. On this particular date, I met him at his apartment, and we had plans on going to a local bar to check out the Open Mic Stand Up Night. We had time to kill before the bar, so Sam decided it would be a good idea to go to the Library before. The Library. Guys, I just told you a couple month ago it took me TWO YEARS to read a book I had been dying to read. the Library is not my jam. But I was going with the flow, I walked around, pretended to be interested in books, and hiding in aisles to avoid having to actually fake a conversation about these books. Eventually Sam found me, and in the middle of some nonsense conversation, he looked down my body and asked, "Are your legs okay?" I quickly looked down fearing that somehow my legs had fallen off without me knowing, but everything was intact. After confusingly replying with "Umm Ya." Sam explained that he was concerned because he noticed that my knees bend back a little, and there was a weird bump under my knee that he thinks I need to get checked out. I understand that this was out of concern, however I immediately felt judged. I brushed it off and continued our date, partially because we were in his car. We had a couple beers, watched a few terrible comics and headed out. On our way back to his apartment he asked if I minded if we took the long way. I agreed since I was just the passenger. You know what we did? We went glorified dumpster diving. Sam drove me around in his Prius, looking for resident's recycling bins that he could empty so he could return them to Massachusetts and get the refund on the cans.
That was the last time I saw Sam.
Now Sam was a nice guy. I could tell that he meant well, but I just knew that at the end of the day I would never feel 100% comfortable around him. My 23 year old self, probably would have stuck around practically begging Sam to take me to the Library. 27 year old Sarah ain't got time for that.
When I thought I was just going to be single forever. In a last ditch effort I agreed to start communicating online with this guy named Ryan. Ryan was super funny and pretty good at keeping me entertained during the day via text. I knew in the back of my head that I wouldn't get in to a relationship with him, probably not even a date. I was done with dating, besides he lived over an hour from me. After some pretty good persuading I agreed to go out for a sushi date with this guy. We both fumbled throughout the date Made some awkward conversation I'm sure, and dropped way more Edamame than actually ate. From the beginning I was myself, because I didn't feel like I needed to impress him since things would never work out. No matter what Ryan was interested and supportive. He appreciated my awkwardness and bad sense of humor. Next thing I know I'm going out to celebrate his birthday, meeting his sister, and introducing him to Mallah. Things happened so naturally with Ryan, by the first couple of months of dating I knew there was no reason to fight this, unless I truly hated myself. But I eventually realized that I do deserve love and to be happy, and to find someone that best suits me, not find someone that I best suit. Turns out Ryan and I suit each other pretty perfectly.
When I least expect it, Ryan will tell me how beautiful I am. He loves every aspect of me, all my gross and ridiculous quirks. He squashes my self doubt and supports all my decisions, even if they are bad. Surprisingly or not, Ry has been a pretty important role in me learning to love myself.
My point is, we are all worthy of love. No matter the choices you've made, no matter the shape or size of your body. No matter what. We all are worthy.
Take that time and find your true self. Know who you are and what you want in your life, and get it. Don't settle, or else you'll spend the rest of your life recycling diving on your way home from the Library with Sam.
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