Finding peace amongst the chaos

I've recently come to the realization that I have been neglectful to my blog, amongst other things over the past year. It's funny how sometimes life gets in the way...

As I was driving home the other day, I started thinking about 2014, and how so many things have changed, how I've slacked on so many things, yet feel I've gained so much and grown in so many ways.

I now have a 45 minute drive every morning, and every afternoon to reflect on my life, and plan my next steps towards getting where I want to be. I'm a little sad that I feel like I've put some things to the side line that a year or two ago were pretty important to me, but I think that's a part of life, we replace things we once held so dear, for other, maybe more dear things. The tough part is trying to find that healthy balance, something I am always struggling with.

I would have thought, that not that long after surgery, I would have "found" myself. If anyone has actually found them self, please, come find me and let's talk. At what point in life do we actually reach Self Actualization? Not for a long time that's for sure (in my opinion). We are always growing and learning and changing. We are human. Maybe that's just me though.

One thing I know for sure is you can change the way a body looks a whole lot faster than you can change the way a body thinks. As I look back on how I got to where I am today, I am so thankful (never thought I'd say that one) for the heartache, heartbreak and let downs over the past few years. And I don't even mean in the form of romantic relationships. Life in general is filled with heartbreaks and let downs.

I remember when I first moved home in 2012 I thought I was there, at the peak, knew exactly what I wanted and was almost there. Boy did I have myself fooled. Not until looking back now, do I realize I was still struggling internally with my inner demons with my relationships with people, food, myself. Still an ongoing battle, I think I have finally realized that relationships aren't going to be perfect, and instead of running away from something the second it starts to get tough, the hardest part is staying, and learning how to work together to create a healthy relationship.

I've always been the type to choose Flight rather than Fight with life. I hate confrontation, I hate having to actually discuss tough topics, and make tough decisions, I hate having to become vulnerable. But that's life. We can't always run away and ignore everything because eventually you will end up with nothing. Instead, it's okay to have a disagreement, it's okay to speak your mind, it's okay to let that wall down.

I will be the first person to say that I make quick decisions to fly when things start to get rough, or go wrong. Since 2012 I've had 5 jobs. Thankfully, since 2012 I have not been in 5 relationships, but I have been quick to jump in to dating someone and (thankfully) just as quick to jump out of dating someone.

I've made a promise to myself though, so stick things through. If work isn't going quite as planned, stick it out, look at the positives. I have a great job now with the State, with great benefits, and job security. I may have to drive a little further to work now, but I'm not spending my day driving around, and I have a purpose. I've fallen in love with my best friend. I never thought I would meet someone that I could honestly say that about. But we are. We aren't perfect, but we work, every day might not be perfect, but nothing is, and at the end of the day I am the happiest, most comfortable with someone than I have ever been before. I might not be in the best shape of my life, but you know what? 4 years ago I was 315 lbs and morbidly obese. I could barely do anything then, and now I can do whatever I want.

I'm promising myself that this year is my year. I think I've gotten things on the straight and narrow again, and there's no better time than now to really kick it in to high gear.

Here's what I promise to myself:

* Refocus
* Begin blogging again
* Become more active
* Re-establish healthy eating habits
* Drink more water
* Focus on the positive
* Remain true to myself

How do you find peace amongst all the chaos of life?


  1. Sarah welcome back. I have missed your blogging. You are a beautiful, caring, loving person. You are destined to have a wonderful life.. keep moving forward and keep your heart open.


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