Well this has been quite a busy past couple of weeks. I feel like I haven't been able to take a breathe since I've returned to work. Between all the things I need to catch up on, and all the paperwork that comes with the beginning/ end of the months, I have barely had a moment to myself.

The past couple weeks, besides being super busy, have been extremely emotional for me. They say that during this process it's going to happen. But man, I didn't think it would be like this. Everything was irritating, I was stressed about the smallest things, and I think I hated everyone at one point too. I'm glad I'm finally starting to feel like myself again, that whole crying over a McDonald's commercial thing was starting to get old.

Besides having a mini mid life crisis, I also realized a few things. Those that you least expect to give your praise and support, do, and those you think would, don't.

I've received overwhelming support from acquaintances, old friends and even people I don't know. They've sent messages and emails letting me know that they are going through the same struggles as I am, and have been too afraid to say anything, and thanking me for sharing my journey. Say what?!?! You have no idea how inspiring it is to read that. I can't thank everyone enough for supporting me thus far. And yet, those that I am closest to, or thought would be the ones to be on my side, haven't even asked how I am doing. I've learned in my short 25 years on earth, that you can't be surprised by much. I always try to see the best in people, but sometimes you just have to see the truth, and the bad and ugly in a person, then you either have to accept it, or get them out of your life. I usually choose to just accept it, because the fat girl doesn't want to also be a fat girl with no friends.

But I think that as I am traveling down this path, I am learning that this time is for me. I need to do what is best for me. No matter how much support, I do or don't get. I don't need to please everyone, I don't need to tip toe around certain people, fearful of hurting them. And I certainly don't need to stick around in an unhealthy relationship.

I've also come to realize that loosing 200 lbs isn't going to solve 25 years of issues. I've always been the friend that people turn to, to get advice. But who do I turn to? It's always nice to have someone to vent to that will have an unbiased opinion. I went to the doctor the other day, just for a checkup, and we just sat and talked for a good thirty minutes, just about life, and it was nice to know that I could walk out of her office, and know that she’s not going to let everyone in my life know what's going on.

I've been having a hard time getting in all the protein I need and water. I get very full, very fast, and I usually can't drink anything for at least 45 minutes after I eat anything. I'm going to start looking up more recipes to help with the eating situation. This little sleeve is tricky.


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